We are radical? think again.......

Leonard Dober wondered if Jesus had thought the cross too much; then he remembered Jesus’ prayer in the garden ended, “Not my will, but yours, Father.” Leonard’s task seemed impossible, but he was pursuing God’s will and not his own.

Leonard Dober determined that God’s call to him was to reach slaves in the Virgin Islands. He planned to reach these men and women by selling himself as a slave and working alongside others each day while sharing Jesus’ love with them. The thought of being a slave frightened and sickened him. He dreaded the treatment he would receive. “But Christ was willing to die on the cross for me,” he thought. “No price is too high to serve him.”

It wasn’t the slave masters who were Dober’s harshest persecutors, but rather fellow Christians. They questioned his call to minister to slaves and ridiculed him as a fool for his plan. But Dober would not be dissuaded. He arrived in the Virgin Islands late in the 1730s.

When he became a servant in the governor’s house, he feared that this position was too far removed from the slaves to whom he had come to minister. So he left and moved from the governor’s house to a mud hut where he could work one-on-one with slaves.

In just three years, Dober’s ministry included more than thirteen thousand new converts.

Jesus freaks. That’s what the world calls those whose faith seems a bit radical. Odd. Extreme. Dober was an eighteenth century “Jesus freak”—a free man who chose to live as a slave in order to win them to Jesus. He was willing to do whatever it took to squeeze the last ounce of devotion from his heart in service to Christ. For Dober, that meant a specific plan that made sense to no one but him. Have you been written off because of your freakish refusal to go along with the majority rule? If God has called you to do something radical for him in your family, church, or community, you must obey. Let others call you crazy, but may Jesus find you committed.

............ (*$%^^%$#$%^ .................. (*&^%$#$%^&*())(*&^%.........

this is what has been going on in my brain since I left the office at 830pm. Gibberish. Worry. Anxiety. Practically at the verge of panicking.
It felt like a zombie just entered my body and decided to unwind, rewind and messed up a couple of recordings.
I am tired - mentally and physically. I can't tell my boss that I am at the verge of breaking. Knowing her personality, she will take all upon herself and it will be worst because she has 4 kids and one rather demanding husband.
It felt as if I am fighting alone here. It felt like I am stretch to the thinnest. Any more stretching, this lady her will snap into 2!
HELP!!!!!!

A candidate pulled out earlier. She has a better offer so off she goes to the new position and better salary. I was asked by my manager to find some Korean speaker that is available immediately. When she told me that, I was staring at her, clamping my mouth, trying my best not to explode. Deep Breath...1..2..3...exhale....Deep breath...1...2...3....exhale...
I don't mind helping out. But, I do not want to help out when the main person does not even care! Okay, granted, I do not know the real situation. I do not know whether she is tied up or bothered with family matters. I am not aware of any hidden sickness that causes such drastic change in behaviour. Benefit of doubt to her. And, I should not jump into conclusion.
The moral of the story here, if you want anyone to help, at least show some kind of sign that you are making an effort!
I no longer bother about responding appropriately anymore. Whatever will be, will be.
If you don't want to do this job anymore then quit! If you still want to do this job, do something! anything to show that the effort is there.

Tomorrow is going to be another long day. Please please please let me do my job and stop bothering me with all sorts of distraction. I just want to do my job to the best of my ability. Is it such a hard request??!!!!

I will be working until late hours tomorrow. It is agreed with my boss that I will work late on Wednesday and start at 130pm on Thursday and continued all the way until 11pm. On Friday, I will resume the normal hours. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully Katz will not turn into a panda that got bitten by zombie......

Sigh........

Team Baked Potato came in 2nd!!! That is super cooL!!! Woohhooooo....
The price is quite...ahemm......attractive. Lol

Anyway, Jenn, Boss and I went to Bedok Waterfront key showflat on Friday night. How should I put it..real estate is quite interesting. No wonder many are hooked on it. It is like gambling. They call it flipping. No I am not talking about real estate agent. It is the owners and investors that are rather fascinating. My Lady boss is unlike any other lady. She doesn't fancy shopping, bargain hunting or branded boutique hopping. She shops for property and investment. A lady of age 38 owns a reputable search firm with rather substansial turn over despite current economic situation. On top of this, she owns 2 private properties, a HDB for her parents and another condo she is currently staying in. Wow.

We had quite an interesting journey from office to the location. "The Rules" was the main topic of discussion. I was "taught" how to be the lady who follow and adhere strictly to these rules. Apparently, it works. Hmm....How interesting. There are many exceptions around but do not think that we are part of that exception. We still have to play according to the rules. These are games after all.

In a nutshell:

Do not ever initiate any form of "chasing" or "giving hints" if we are interested in a particular man or men
Do not let the men know that we are dying to hear their voice/meet them/date them
NEVER initiate a date.
Be busy all the time and don't explain why the busyness
Be interesting but not interested that we are willinf to devote every single waking and sleeping hours to him.
Go out and do something coz that's the only way to meet people.

And the list goes on...........................

How interesting.

To the feminists, this book is the ultimate boo boo! Talk about equality of genders and ladies still follow a set of "rules" in dating and relationship. Why can't the ladies be in the driver's seat?
Yes you can if the men have pyschologically moved into the era of feminist. Unfortunately, we are still stuck at pride and prejudice era. Like it or not, men are turned off by over aggressive women. They simply ran away and disappeared when women decided to take the lead to "chase" them.

Now we know the problem. I wonder how to fix it.

A song that really touches my heart....

The voice of a Saviour.

Some people try to listen, to the bottom of a bottle
Some people try to listen, to a needle in their arm
Some people try to listen, to the money in their pocket
Some people try to listen, to another’s arms

You and I are not that different
We got a void and we’re just trying to fill it up
With something that will give just a little peace
All we want is a hand to reach to
Open arms that say I love you
We’d give anything to hear
The voice of a Savior

Some people try to find it with blind ambition
Some people try to find it where no one else has gone
Some people try to find it in the crowns of victory
Some people get defeated and lose the strength to carry on

Some people try to find it in the shadow of a steeple
Some people try to find it in the back row pew
Some people try to find it in the arms of Jesus
That’s where I found it, how about you?


Have you ever had that moment when you are longing for something but just can't find a word to illustrate it? I did. Many times.
When I see father and daughter walking together hand in hand.
When 2 lovers whispering to each other and giggling like there's no tomorrow
When a child holds on to my hand like I am the rock of her life
When I see the sunset in the horizon

It is easy to find replacements. But, these are not the real thing. They will never satisfy my hunger for that eternal love that Jesus so freely gave to us. That feeling of acceptance and acknowledgment by the Lord worth more than tons of precious gems. And, here's the good news, it has been given freely to those who chose to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.


Mark 5:36 - .....Don't be afraid. Just Believe.

Hmm..that is funny. I can't seem to load the page of my blog.

Anyway, senior presentation was ....interesting. Somehow, the new team can't seem to shake of the influence from Midway fair. Cinderella was a breakthrough and it was an amazing float with an amazing team. Last year was quite forgettable. I don't even remember the theme!

Kudos to all the juniors! Indeed they have taken great length and gone through much brain juicing to come up with such promising float. If they can finish it, I am sure they have a chance of winning. We'll see how it goes. My calendar is booked on 8th Aug 09.

So...new week tomorrow. New day with new set of challenge. Am I ready? I am! Believe it or not, I am actually excited about work!

I think I may be considering the specialist diploma in clinical trial. Just a taste of what it is like.
I am excited about the prospect of learning and in the forefront of drug trials. I don't deny that I quite like the "spotlight". However, I am not too sure about the benchwork, admin stuff and whole loads of research. Emotionally, it is going to be such a test. Oh well, still praying about it.
No answer yet.

I need to settle down in a church soon!! To enroll into bible school, I need recommendation letters from the pastors. My goodness, those that I know don't even know I existed. Enough of playing around. I need to get down to the real stuff. YAP!

My goodness..I almost forgotten that this blog even existed! It has been sometimes since I last updated this blog.

And my purpose of visit is?
Well, certain issues have been such a nag in my mind. Like a hamster wheel, I kept running in circles and getting nowhere! Absolutely work done = 0. Pointless and mindless worrying.

Let's see...I think it stated when the family problem started. It was my fault really. I backed off emotionally because the idea of bearing the burden is too overwhelming to me. So I stopped asking why and how and what was the outcome. She started to take quite a few urgent leave and thus her work performance plummeted. Mine stays the same and possibly better than the rest.

So the month of June came. I started to lunch in more often than usual. Time of peace and quiet is so rare that lunch time without the usual hustle and bustle feels like a whiff of jasmine to me - simply refreshing. I packed in, read my book and if I have extra time, I will try to do a bit of study. That decreases the amount of interaction with my colleagues in particular J. Then came the funny idea that her previous seating arrangement has bad feng shui and she was moved to the other end of the island. The further one seat, the lesser the chance to talk.

Recently, boss started to give me tons and tons of assignment to do. I am really up to my chin now but still within tolerance level. I like it because I was given plenty of learning opportunity. Plus, I am given training opportunity in which I was one of the trainer for new batch of people. Another learning experience. Nowadays, I am also involved in interview process for internal staff. Hence, even lesser chance to talk to her.

I brought up this issue with another friend. He asked me to talk to her directly. I know I can't. I will cry. Not because I am super sad or anything. Simply because I am not a person who wears my heart on the speakerphone.

He noticed that we are drifting apart. If I am to be honest with myself:

I don't really feel like having lunch with her or talk to her. Bad huh.
Don't know since when but it started to irritate me when we are talking in a group and in every single conversation, she will have to be the main character. She just has to give a piece of her life. I told her once that this is her habit. She said she didnt notice it. Fine. That is the way she is. Can't change so rather than I got irritated and snapped at her, I decided to decrease such chances.

It is inevitable for me to do a comparison between both of us.
Well, it is kinda obvious that Jenn seems to place more responsibility on me. Most technical and scientists roles are executed by me. They are leveraging on my education background. Health care is not rocket science. They just look like one. Kim said it is very obvious that Jenn favors me outwardly. I did close positions for SP. When my deal is closed, she will make a big show of it by pressing that stupid bell. I am going to hide or throw away that offensive bell.
J has more experience than me for sure. Somehow, her deals just slipped away. It is very tempting to take Kim's opinion as a conclusion - she felt pressurised by the fact that she is not making sales and I am.

Sounds petty isn't it.

I did try to turn the situation around. But, how do you clap when the other hand simply refuse to do so? I tried to talk to her, joke with her, asked her about her posiitons, asked her about her meetings. I felt forced...

Everything seems to be back to normal. The next day morning, it is back to square one. So I am repeating the entire process again. Same thing this morning. She came late. Lunch time came. Jenn asked me to go to IKEA for lunch. It was too far so I said I am lunching in. She went with Irene. No conversation yet since the day start. I was thinking of lunching in but Kim was left alone for 2nd batch so I went with her.

Sigh...the last straw came when Katherine from P called. I transfered the call to her. I kinda know what was the call about. So the next moment I heard some whispers. She started to do CRA role which is not her allocated role. It is not that I care she is surfacing CV to P. So I turned to her and asked her that if she is taking P roles I am not going to touch this account. She gave me the look as if she is blur and wondering what the hell is this person talking about. So I said well it is my fault that I didn't spend time on this account.

I typed out an email to her saying how I feel. Sent it out before I left. She may have read it, she may not. There was no response from her so I assume things don't really matter on her side.

I will still think and ponder and wonder. Occassionaly I will feel sad on what has happen but it is gonna pass. A friend will always stay a friend whether or not we talked most of the time. Either way, I have tried. So far, I have not seen her coming over to talk to me or trying to do something. I guess it may not be a serious thing for her. Now I know well not to be considering work people as friend. Because they are not. They are simply colleague.

Monday is going to be a new week. I am going to concentrate on my sales and my performance. I will train up Eunice and once she is able to stand on her own, I guess it's time to consider the advancement. Probably to SS or probably something else. SP has been fun and a good training ground. But, only deals that are over 10K can help me meet my target.

Another lesson learnt.

On a lighter note, Jenn said she is going to help me register for a distant learning course in Pharmacology if I am able to meet the target the third time. Yep. Gonna go for it.

I would love to go and study again!

Went to Seletar camp today. Well, I was almost lost. All around me are trucks, heavy construction vehicles and workers. Some were staring at me wondering what is this girl doing here holding a camera. Looked for the remnants of the camp bunk but found only construction work. Some of these places were out of bound. Oh well, I am running out of places to capture.

Hormones were in overdrive yesterday. I felt so miserable and unhappy for no apparent reason! It is amazing how I can feel such self pity and despair just at a drop of the hat! I was tempted to blame it on everything. Mom called this morning and asked what's wrong. I don't know how to answer her and said nothing. I guess you don't really need a reason to be unhappy.

That bad habit of mine is rearing its ugly head. Again.

Oh well, no one is perfect. Colleagues just better stay at colleagues. I am not ready to bear burdens.

Anyway, here's some of the pic from seletar camp. or rather outside of the camp

I'm not lost.....I'm juz undiscovered....
talking about seeing things from different perspective...

I look at you, you bite your tongue
You don't know why or where I'm coming from
But in my head I'm close to you
We're in the rain still searching for the sun

You think that I want to run and hide
That I keep it all locked up inside but I just want you to find me

I'm not lost; not lost, just undiscovered
And when we're alone we are all the same as each other

You see the look that's on my face
You might think I'm out of place
I'm not lost, no, no, just undiscovered

Well the time it takes to know someone
It all can change before you know it's gone
So close your eyes and I feel the way I'm with you now
Believe there's nothing wrong

I'm not running, I'm not hiding
But if you dig a little deeper, you will find me

~KatZ~

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