.Friday, March 04, 2005 ; 4:04 PM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
I feel like I'm in a crossroad and feel kinda lost these few days. I dunno when and where to start studying. I dunno who should I hang out with. i don't know who can I trust and I don't whether creatures called human around me are real or fake. Many times in a day, a thought cross my mind, "what am I doing here?". I felt so sick pretending that I can fit into this group or that group. or should I?It seems like as we grow up, things become more unreal and unclear. I miss having someone that I can talk to about everything and anything. So far in hall, only to Deb I can talk about many things. But, she's no longer here. I feel that the less I talked about a person, the faster I can get back to my normal life. Yes, i'm still sad about the fact that she is no longer here. Those who know her and close to her are affected by her departure. Well, the best way to cure this irritating feeling is time. Soon I'll see her again.
It seems like significant parts of human nature are about deceit, lies and cover up. People may say that all these are important for survival. I was really disillusioned by the adult world that I just entered a month ago. I started to doubt how many parts of the people I know are real. Involuntarily, my defence system is switched on. Walking away is one of my defence mechanism. I'm more of the "leave and let u be what u wanna be" kind.
Well, who can I trust? Not many. Other than my family, the rest I can even count them using 1 hand only. Or maybe 1 1/2 hands. Sad to say but it's true.
No wonder many optimistic and cheerful people turned into disillusioned and grouchy lot. Maybe someone should write a book titled " How to preserve optimism and cheerfulness in this screwed and f***ed up world". Maybe the author can add an extra chapter discussing about how to spread this positive traits. Maybe I should write it!!!!..when I'm free.
current condition : headache headache headache and still waiting for the medicine to work.
The feeling of suddenly being striped of what one have believed since the day one understand things is really terrible.
One word to describe DISILLUSION.
One word to response ACCEPTANCE
One word to resolve IGNORANCE
But will it ever be resolved?
Any wise man out there that can explain to me??
Man, i'm having a really bad PMS. No doubt.
The hall had a fire drill just now. I forgot totally about the drill until the bell unforgivingly screamed as if it never did before. Loud and demanding. My headache become worst. No choice but have to walk out of the building. Well, thanks to them we will have another drill soon.
