.Tuesday, August 09, 2005 ; 3:44 AM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
Firstly, Happy Birthday Singapore. 4o years of continuous growth and prosperities are not easy at all. Kudos to the government.
I went to watch ND fireworks countdown with a bunch of friends. It's kinda assorted when I looked at them. Anyway, they all have one thing in common. They are all human. The display was spectacular in the end. Beginning was rather disappointing coz I was expecting a more "wow" display. Well, it didn't disappoint me. I was rather irritated actually. I was msg-ing many many people on this plan. Some cancelled some say "see how" some plain bo chap. I wanted to watch movie but cancelled it coz more people prefer to watch fireworks. So I gave in. Do I give in easily? Do I compromise easily? I guess I am. It is my so called "easy going" manner that made people think I can and will settle with anything that others push to me. It's not that I don't want to figth for what I want. Many things I can do without, and others may need it more urgently, then I'll give it away. I don't like to fight. I hate politics and I despise conflicts. You may say I'm naive but I believe most human being are good at the core. There is this conscience no matter how tiny it is, that prevent human from turning into devils. Some will say " you haven't see the ugly side of life". Yes, i admit I haven't. Throughout my whole life, I must say I am quite sheltered. Why? Because God loves me so much that He only give me what is the best.
So after the fireworks, we head to Orchard coffee club. I had a really long talk with Z. We talked about hall, block. He gave many constructive opinions. Then, we moved on to relationship issues. Somehow, deep inside me, the scar is still there. It still aches when I touched it. It's like splinters you got from all the woodwork and these splinters just refused to come out. The more I pushed it, the deeper I get. I need someone with a good tweezer to take it out. This person has not come. I'm still waiting, hoping for the person to rescue me. Who will he be you may ask? He? Why can't it be s "she"? Anyway, Z told me 3 possibilities. It may be due to one of it. It can be due to all 3 of it. But, I am stuck. Unsure of the direction. Confused by the many lights shining on me. Broken over and over again by scenes that just suddenly jump out of the blue. Z was right. I was deeply hurt. So deep it felt numb for a few weeks.
Why do I still lingers on? I really don't know. I thought it's because of hope. Is it?
