.Friday, March 17, 2006 ; 6:31 AM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
Well, it has been a heavy week. Lab reports seemed to be endless and they are getting thicker and thicker!!Help!!Not to mention the test that I had last tuesday. One word to describe: Tiring. Throughout this week, I've been sleeping at 5am. No, not because of blogging. But, because of studying (for real). No more last minute mugging.
For those who know me, you'll asked: "Then, what about hall life?Are they giving you a better life than your school life?'
Easy time?ha ha ha (sacarstic laughter) Decipher yourself the meaning of sacarstic laughter.
I no longer enjoy doing things I used to enjoy. Choir was a form of relaxation to me. A place where I can sing my heart out and forget all my problems. Don't get me wrong. I still love to sing. People in choir is wonderful and friendly. Especially my sop girls. We are the nosiest and the most restless of all. Jokes are always trade around even though we are in the midst of practising. I guess the passion just diminished?I don't want to treat choir like a chore. The next concert in nearing. Yet, I don't feel the enthusiasm. Empty and unsupported, that's the feeling I got from this community. Sad but true, things are changing, to the worst.
Some say I keep to myself and urge me to share with them. But, how many can truly understand and see eye to eye with me? Maybe those that I confide in are those whom I think are able to feel what I am feeling now. As I said, things are changing. They become "corportized". Is it a sense of maturity or just a futile attempt to rationalize issues?I'm not saying such approach is wrong. Is it necessary here, at our home?Do we need to use such cold and unfeeling method to put things into perspective? In the end, what are the things that matter?Goal achieved or friendship forged?
There are issues that need to be resolved. Not by middle person but by parties involved. I hate to condemn people. But, if things continue to be in this state, I'm afraid I will..well..condemn one party. Someone tell me how should I approach this issue?I hate to be the person who dropped the egg. Why is it have to be me?Choose someone else for *pip* sake.
And, grow up and confront the issue. Ignoring and hoping things will somehow turn out fine are not solutions. It's foolish and immature. Stay this way and I'll disappear. Maybe it is better for me to disappear. Stop caring and stop thinking. I'm just a tiny dot in this whole situation. What do I have to change the world?
Expectations are always around whether we want them or not. At times, I am able to fulfill them. Many times, people "prophercised" and expect me to self fulfilled them. Okay, most of the time I will. When I don't, is there a second chance? Sadly, many a times, there's none. People don't see the fact that you've tried your best. They focused on failure, "deliberate" abandonment...
Apparently, trying your best is not enough. You have to be the best, no matter what condition you are in. You have to be omnipresent no matter how tied up you are. In sickness and health, in riches and poverty, thou shalth not fail. For failing is not a considerable option. Cruel?Yes. That's how things goes. Only when the door is shut, the true self is allowed to be shown..to oneself.
Friend, hang in there. Sometimes ignorance is a form of heavenly bliss. At least, there's less thing to fill the already exhausted mind.
WEll, friend, hang in there. It's ending soon.
