.Friday, June 23, 2006 ; 2:03 AM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
It's happening. This huge rock that has disappeared - or so I thought - came upon me again. So heavy that I can't breath. Sometimes the need to walk away is so great that I feel like letting it go once and for all. A fleeting moment of laughter and gentle breeze may ease the sore. But, it's still there. The dark shadow of the past is looming. I tried to evade and hide. Somehow, it never fails to find me and bind me with its dark tentacles. Why am I such a coward? Why do I care so much? Why do I have to run away? I just simply don't know how to go around it. I'm clueless. And, there's no one to help me coz they are as clueless as me. Heck. Indeed, it is a hopeless passion. In the end, I will just disappear, swallowed by the hussle and bussle of my everyday life.
How do I confer my message when I can't even bring myself to face the real problem? Mishandling may result in serious inter relation damage, it reads. Oh no! I don't even understand the whole situation. How can I handle it properly when there's no manual? In a way, I am scared. Of what?
Of being unhappy?Of prejudice? Maybe it's this desire to please. I despise it. It makes me weak and pressured. Having a heart that pleases too much equals to feeding ownself pinches of opium. It makes one fly to the sky but remotely, it damages every single nerves and blunt one's sense of self. When freedom of acts and speech are robbed, it is better of to be part of this earth than to be part of this world.
