.Sunday, September 02, 2007 ; 10:47 PM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
What a slack day I am having today. Woke up at 2pm to an empty stomach and a house that desperately need some serious cleaning. After whipping up a reasonably simple yet delicious lunch, I proceeded to clean the house. Oh.. not to forget the pile of clothes that have been screaming at me to iron them. So finally I finished houseworks at 4.53pm. From 4.53 till now (1057pm), I have been sitting in front of my laptop, wondering what anime to watch and which manga to download. Well, perfect girl evolution was good. I should just stick to HK TVB drama. At least, the male lead can be my daydreaming subject (Not that I daydream a lot. I wish I can).
Ah..the joy of simple things in life.
I came across a friend's blog. I think I understand how she feels. Memory can be the most cruel thing in life. Raw wounds that we thought have been healed suddenly bleed again. They say wounds and bruises in life make us even stronger than before. But, what if these make us hide our true self? What if these caused us to be so jaded that we stop dreaming?
Children grow up beholding and learning from people around them. I guess the way my parents brought me up has its positive and negative effects towards me. They were strict with me since I was young. Looking back, I took up most of my mom's solemn attitude. She would rather keep quiet than has a head-on confrontation with people around her. My dad is the opposite of her. How did two people with such differences can even share a life together? That totally baffled me.
Anyway, I don't have any friends from my primary and secondary school time. They were gone with the wind. I was a quiet and introverted person then - choosing books and solitude over crowds and company. That reflected on my social life as well. Over the years, God has molded me into what I am now through people I met and experiences. One thing still remain; I don't know and don't dare to tell him how I feel. Once bitten twice shy they say. How true it is. I don't know how to be feminine. Never learned that before. FYI, my mom thinks women shouldn't even think of depending on guys. She was once a girl with a hope for beautiful family and someone to depend on. And, she was hurt. So deep that it still leaves a scar in the family. I was very young when that happened. Divorce was on the options but she stayed on for the sake of her daughters.
I was taught to depend on myself. I was told not to place any hope on men. My sister and I vowed to shun any men that resemble my dad. Thank God He found me before it was too late. (Is there such thing as too late in God's dictionary?). He expressed His love for me through His words, His presence, His people and His creation. Childhood wounds were revealed and healed. I was once full of bitter resentment towards my dad. Jesus nurtured that wound and took the resentment away. I learned to be more forgiving towards people. I am still learning though. Jesus didn't only come to redeem us from eternal condemnation. He came to heal us and comfort us. Even wounds that we never knew existed, He will take it in His hand and lovingly healing them.
Isaiah 61:1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to
preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me
to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
[a] 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor
Oh well, this feeling for him will stay where it should be - in my heart- waiting to be transformed into brotherly love. I pray one day I'll be able to see him as my brother. Nothing more and nothing less. Meanwhile, I shall pray for hope, peace, joy, favor and love in his life. Sometimes I wish he won't contact me so often.
