.Sunday, February 17, 2008 ; 9:59 PM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
I need a dose of motivation
A spoon full of encouragement
A glass of attention
A plate of determination
A bowl of resilience
A bottle of joy
Finally, I need to know what I truly want.
I need to believe that this event can sell. Put it more specifically, I need to believe that I can sell and actually getting delegates for this event! That old symptoms of fear is back. I am reluctant to go for the top. I don't know whether I should call on HP or not. Feel so useless suddenly. Thinking back, there is a tinge of regret that I took up life sciences as my major. The "I should have, would have, what if" keep swimming back and forth in my mind. Did I really make a mistake by studying life science? Did I really make a mistake by doing all that I have done in hall? Or am I simply being whiny. I think the latter is the most likely.
Yesterday, I mentioned to a friend that somehow I felt he is treating with extreme caution/politeness. I don't like that. I felt foreign towards him. Sigh, I am totally expecting something that is not going to happen. Somehow his reaction encourages me to pull myself even further than what it already is. To the point that it's alright not to talk or catch up with each other. If that is what it should be, alright then. It is easier this way. I don't want to try to catch up anyway. Tired. Fine with me. I will stop trying.
Mr ong was discussing a "3 yr plan" with me, which includes a graduate dip cert in biz mgt, a theological foundation and a new environment. He called it optimizing my time. Is this really what I want? Seems like I am walking even further into the corporate world. Just want to get away for a while. But, that is like running away!
Feeling rather unfulfilled lately.
remember the new indo event I mentioned in my previous entry.
Yep, due to some strange cosmic coincidence, I got the event.
*smile bitterly* Life is indeed very weird!
