.Saturday, March 01, 2008 ; 12:26 AM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
Here's a little confession from Cat.
I didn't go to BOC today. Simple reason, I just don't want to go. Yes, Irresponsible and lazy gurl, that's me. I woke up super duper late and decided to give the trip a miss. Of course I need to do some "supplementary works" to explain my absence. The reason gave wasn't completely untrue. I was thinking of looking for a specialist for my nose. Lately, it has turned into a sneezing machine. My aunt passed me a few name cards. I guess I'll check them out next week. Another reason for missing BOC? We'll see.
Anyway, I was asked to call in to explain. I called in, explained and the other side seemed to accept my reasons. Or is she? According to G, they were discussing about me after the call. With serious and hush hush tone. Oh well, fire me then. I'll be happier. Save my brain and breath in explaining.
Anyway, after much thought and reasoning, I decided to move on. To where and when? Don't know yet. Hopefully I will get some positive responses after mailing out so many hopes. The thing I am scared of is what if God wants me to stay here, longer that I actually want to. I dreaded that coz for obvious reason I can't go against Him.
Am I brave enough to leave without another options? I don't know. Seriously.
Knowing well this is not what I wanted to do in long run, should I just leave, take a break while searching for a new one? At least I can go and meet those prospectus without the need to lie to my boss about my absence. I hate doing that and they are suspecting something is wrong with me. I am bothered by their insecurities and their pushiness. I am bothered by their various tries of moving me everywhere. For the third time I was asked to move seats. This time, I was asked to move to one isolated corner in front of GM tiny little corner. Plan before you hire! That is common sense. Where are the newbies going to sit? On our laps? And sharing one phone?
And that stand up regime everyday! Ridiculous! I can't write properly. I have to bend down and point my arse to the lady behind me. No one will appreciate another pointing his or her arse right to their face for half an hour.
I am 6 month into the job. By Mar 20, I am officially into my 7th month. Should I close this chapter on April 20 or May 20?
Honestly, I have no confidence in closing any sales this week or even next week. 2 weeks into the new event, and she is practically asking me to squish the juice out of a rock. The problem is I am not good enough for this job. I am not passionate with what I am doing. I can't be shamelessly pushing the people to buy my event. I don't want to lie just to get DMs hp no. Is there no other way of doing this job?
Why should I care so much? Seriously, there is nothing for me here. Nothing worth staying. Feel so helpless and useless. Timid and Cowardice.
I guess I have to put S5 IS on hold, infinitely. If I am too leave without an option, I need all the support I can gather.
