.Wednesday, October 01, 2008 ; 2:49 AM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
Suddenly, it struck me like a lightning in the day time that things are no longer the same. The past remained in the past. They were fun, things were simple and circumstances brought people together. Looking through the photo, I felt that I am drifting apart, away from those I know. We all are. But some are faster than another. Friendship is like a ripple of water. In the beginning, the molecules are very concentrated and near one another. As the clock ticks by, they are drifting apart, away from one another. Once in a while the molecules meet another and got closer together. And the drift apart and got closer and drift apart. A vicious cycle that never end. We are indeed in the pool of life.
How did things unfold as they are now?
I admit I never really make an effort to catch up. I thought if they do not want to catch up, why should I be a bother and resulted in awkward situations? Apparently, this thought has caused so much drifting apart in my 23 years of life.
I saw their pictures and thought back on those times. Maybe the friendship was real. That is what they call circumstances friend. How many did last way after we have moved on from that circumstance?
I mourn the lost. Yet, when I do not hang on so much, I felt numbed. Which is a better choice, in fact. Numbed the lost and move on with life. Along the way, I may find one or two closer ones. If God willing, these are the ones that I want to keep for very long. Even after we have moved on from that circumstance.
When one does not want something, it is easier to let it go. When I do not hold on and mourn for the lost, it will not matter that much. But, friendship is not something that just does not matter to me, is it?
I am afraid, I will forget even the names of those who were close to me when we were in year 1. I am really afraid of that.
Friends are like a blanket of security in the midst of life procession. We know we can sought peace and comfort in one another. We know we will be able to understand one another, without judgment, without prejudice. That is how things are being taken granted of.
I guess I am just being sentimental and gloomy. It is 3.06 in the morning and I am hungry. My breaks are precious and I am determined to stretch every single waking hours.
Another thought, if you can spend some time traveling all the way to NUS from Serangoon garden, why can't you even spend some time out of your busy schedule to meet me at a place which is probably only less than 10 mins from your house? Is it such a chore?
Don't bother. I will let go and that will be the end of it. Learning to let go is probably the best way to be self pity and unfulfilled.
Oh well, Katz is being needy now. Time to sleep.
