.Wednesday, October 22, 2008 ; 10:20 PM -
.His Mercy is New everY mornInG.
Tired.
I have been ranting non-stop nowadays. As the day proceeds on from bright and sunny to gloomy and wet, so does my mood. Feeling lousy by the end of the day is such a common thing. I tell myself again and again not to compare with others. They dreaded the calls yet they manage to get in more than 10 positions. They hated to call new clients yet they managed to secure a whole lot of new hires. My figures are awfully miserable. I don't have new BD. No billing in sight. The only closing for today can only be billed on November. I feel totally exhausted and drained. It seems like no matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I tried, I am totally helpless. Out of touch and out of control on the current situation. I guess the best word is spiraling out of control.
I don't even get to walk in the rain when I feel like to. Somehow the rain decided to stop when I was on the street and resumed its relentless pouring after I stepped inside the house.
What else can I do?
Did I make lesser call compare to the rest? Did I say the wrong things? or am I simply - like many would say - out of luck? I don't have luck to begin with. So, how can I be out of it.
Whine whine whine and whine. The worst part is no one understand. No one I can talk to. So here I am, whining to this blog. Situations worsened every day, body getting fatter everyday. Whenever I tell myself stop eating, I will end up eating a lot! Maybe I should reject all calls to meet up for dinner. People can afford to eat lavishly. I get fat even by drinking water. What is wrong with me?
I can't even cry when I want to.
I have half a hour more to sleeping time. Gone through the list yet none produced any fruits. Am I really that lousy? Seriously speaking am I really that useless compare to a fresh grad? AM I?
Even my hand muscle decided to ache and my neck muscle stiffened. Everything is wrong or is it?
